Sometimes it is very challenging for me to maintain a sense of calm and happiness in a world that seems so utterly chaotic and at times downright confusing. Even when I have made an effort to create positivity and repel negativity, it requires constant attention to maintain. And it always seems like the little petty stuff that can throw me off. For instance, the other day I was picking Quinny up from taekwondo. The parking lot is a complete zoo. It was built in the 80's -- so perfect for little honda hatchbacks to park, but not so for my living room on wheels. Instead of trying to navigate my monstrosity of a vehicle through all the other urgent cars picking up and dropping off, I have a little special spot down below the parking lot where I'm out of the way. I was waiting there the other day minding my own beeswax, when another car pulled directly alongside me. It was a mom in the car, and she was starting directly at me. Okay, why? I gave her my full attention as if to say from behind my window, "yes? may I help you?" She paused, gave me the nastiest look, and then shook her head at me as if to say, "how could you be such a moron?" Then she drove away. I was confused. And shocked. And truth be told, pissed as all get out. What the H was her problem? Was I in her spot? Was I somehow in her way? What did I ever do to warrant that exchange? I let myself think about it the entire drive home, and it was a horrible feeling. I had to make myself stop because it was throwing my otherwise nice afternoon in a downward spiral. Why are some people so awful?
I actually have learned a great deal of coping from talking with the girls. When I give them advice about things like this, it's second nature. I thought about a conversation I had with Quincy earlier in the week. We had gone shopping for her because she wanted shorts. Shopping with Quin is, well... HARD. She has a very specific taste -- nothing girly, nothing that itches her skin, nothing tight, nothing with seams... But finally she found a pair of boys basketball shorts at a sporting goods store. She tried them on and loved them. Yes! Perfect! But when I was dropping her off at school the next day she turned to me with a look of dread on her face. "What if people judge me for dressing this way?" That was her quote exactly. In my mind I wanted to say, "Then you send them to me and I'll rearrange their face." But I cannot say that, so I told her that if somebody judges her, or is unkind to her because she is wearing comfortable shorts that she likes, then they are not the kind of person worth paying attention to. And that's true. For kids and adults. It's that simple. But it's also hard. We are so sensitive -- some of us more so than others. It takes great effort to protect ourselves from the unkind things that other people do or say. An enormous part of being happy is ignoring the negativity -- whether it's a stranger in a car, or somebody you must deal with every day. There is a calm place in each of us that is full of love... When somebody rattles us, we have to return there.
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