100 Days of Happiness Day 66

I'm not going to lie. Last night blew. And so did this morning.
I was beyond tired. I know when it's particularly bad because John will ask, "what's wrong?" several times. Nothing is wrong, but I imagine I must look horrid to warrant that question so many times throughout the evening. So when the kids were asleep I burned some sage, lit some candles and hit the sack myself. And it was glorious. For all of 1 hour. I woke up to Brooklyn sobbing by the bed because, as I quickly realized, Owen was screaming in their room. I rushed in and tried to help him but it was no use. He screamed for a long time, and I had a little breakdown myself and for a minute there, really truly believed that I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. Those moments of motherhood are scary. He finally settled, and everybody slept. I woke up this morning to discover that Peyton's guinea pig had died. This was devastating to her, and there is nothing worse than holding your sobbing child when there is not a thing in the world you can do about it. Poor Max.
So forgive the little rant. I only write about it because this day, like so many days, I had a choice. I could have crawled under the covers once the kids were in school and thought about what a crappy day it's shaping up to be. But instead I turned on my music, took Henry for a run in the sun and breathed in all the beauty and positive energy that I could. It was a choice -- in the same way love is a choice. Just like kindness is a choice. They are not always the easy routes, and sometimes require work and a concerted effort. But what is the alternative? I will always try for the happiness, the love, the kindness. Sometimes it will be hard, but life was not meant to entertain us or *make us* happy.
What got me going in the right direction this morning was some Elton John... I read somewhere that when listening to music - particularly a song you enjoy, your entire brain chemistry can change. It is healing and powerful and good for you. I believe it. I love music...  I suppose it's in my genes. I remember when my mom would come home with an album she loved -- a real record. She would lie on the living room floor with the headphones on and listen to it over and over and over again. Elton John was one of those albums. I know every word to this song, and it reminds me of her. It makes me happy.