100 Days of Happy Day 6

I moved to Seattle in the beginning of November. It was raining the day I settled in to my apartment in Queen Anne. It proceeded to rain the next day and the day after that, and every single day for two weeks straight. The sky was the perpetual bruisy-gray I’ve since come to know so very well... All day and all night streams, fountains, rivers of water poured off the roof, into the street, onto the bare trees. I sat inside and wondered when it would stop so I could go for a run. I looked at the dark tumultuous sky and hoped for a shred of blue, but it did not come. In desperation I went for a drive. I ended up in West Seattle as the rain continued to dump. My windshield wipers were cranked up to the max, pumping and swishing water that seemed neverending . That *was* neverending. I was blanketed under the dark clouds… When the f*ck would this stop, I wondered? I cried in my car. A really good cry. It was never going to stop. This was Seattle. And I had moved here. Purposefully. I was raised in SoCal. I spent summers on the beach. Heck, I spent winters on the beach. What the hell was I do doing here? I made a resolution then. I would go home and run. I would put on my ball cap and my jacket and even if it was dumping, I would go out. I also told myself that I would try to appreciate what Seattle had to offer, which was the most spectacular trees I had ever seen… and bodies of water that sparkled at sunset even when it was raining. I did it. I ran down Highland Drive at dusk while it was raining. There was a tree growing on that street that I made a concerted effort to appreciate. It was old and thick with droopy branches. It was beautiful. I was wet but my heart was going and I enjoyed myself. And that was the day things changed. Do I get upset when it rains non-stop here? Sometimes. But most of the time I can go outside and find a huge slice of beauty to sink my teeth into… And sometimes, even in late February, the sky surprises me, and instead of dark gray, is bright brilliant blue. The beauty around me never ever disappoints. It always makes me happy.

100 Days of Happiness Day 5

Oh hello. It’s Owen here… I know my mom posts a lot of pictures of me and talks about me a lot, because… well, I’m a pretty big deal around here. You might be seeing me quite a bit for this 100 Days of Happiness thingy my mom is doing. I’m almost 9 months now, so yeah… I’m getting big. I don’t really care for crawling much. In fact, I really just want to walk to tell you the truth. When my mom tries to sit me down on the floor I do this really neat trick where I make my entire body stiff as a board so she can’t put me in the sitting position. She has to stand me up, which is where it’s at. I hang on to the furniture and bounce and laugh… Pretty soon I’ll be running all over this place and it will be soooo fun. I can already see all the things I want to do – like climb on the stairs, open all the drawers and cabinets, jump on Henry’s dog bed…  I’ve been working really hard on getting my teeth. I have 3 and a half – two bottom ones, a top one and a new edge of a top one… I love to eat, too. I eat everything. Broccoli, sweet potato, avocado, chicken, salmon, apples, yogurt, oatmeal, noodles, peas, puffs, you name it – I’ll eat it. I’m doing much better with my sleeping and that makes my mom so happy. I will wake up maybe once per night, but that’s no big deal and soon I won’t even do that. There are always a lot of girl children around – which is fine by me. My sisters are always close and love to play with me. Brooklyn sings to me and reads me stories. Quincy holds me and plays toys with me on the floor. Peyton carries me, changes my diaper, and takes me on “the baby express” which is a game she made up just for me. Gosh, I love them. They always have friends over who play with me, too. Girls are pretty great. Sometimes during the day they leave and it’s just me and mommy. We do errands and take walks outside. I love to go sit in my Daddy’s office. He bounces me and throws me around the most. I think it makes mom nervous, but Daddy is strong. He always plays my favorite song for me, “Three Little Birds,” by Bob Marley. I get soooo excited when he puts it on. So that’s what’s new with me… Like I said, I’m sure you’ll be seeing lots of me. Love, Owen Jeffrey (or as mommy calls me: O Jiminey)

100 Days of Happy Day 4

Sometimes when I wake up it is not the happy voice that greets me in my head. It is a more critical voice – one that tends to remind me of my shortcomings, of the things I am not, but should be… This voice points out my flaws and tells me the day will be long and hard. I try to ignore her, but she is persistent. I know she is wrong… I am good and strong and the day can be great. 

So I have to dump her out of my head. 

Going upside down is a little magical. Blood reverses, thoughts fizzle, and the voice that should hush up and go away – does. As a child I did 50 cartwheels in row, for no other reason than it was fun. I felt lightheaded and free. I get that same effervescent feeling as a 40 year old adult doing handstands. It’s a quick shot of happy.

100 Days of Happy Day 3

It’s single parenting take II starting today as John works from Portland. On these days I count myself successful if the kids have clothing on, are not starving, and remain alive. It’s all very uncivilized. I ended the afternoon with a medley of broccoli, peas and pears on my sweatshirt shoulder. And perhaps a bit of snot – it’s tough to tell. There was little (no) time for myself between getting all The Things done for the girls to start back at school tomorrow, and keeping O occupied. But I did manage to get my entire bed laundered and looking fresh to death like a million bucks. One of my favorite things in the world… If one of my deepest desires came true and I was given a laundry goddess to do *ALL* my laundry each day, she would probably find me very difficult and indulgent… because I would have her wash all my sheets every day. That’s how much I love fresh clean sheets. There is nothing like it, and they are different even after one night. But tonight… they are brand new, crisp-ity fresh from the dryer, and I get to sleep in them all by myself.  HAPPY.

100 Days of Happy Day 2

Back in the day, there was not a Starbucks on every corner. People didn’t walk around with their quad skinny mocha fraps. My mom drank Folgers crystals. From a can. To tell you the truth, it seemed gross and I had no desire to drink it. I didn’t start drinking coffee until college – finals time. Even then, I choked it down and found it less than delightful. It wasn’t until my 20’s that I developed a true appreciation for the java. When living in San Francisco, I discovered Spinelli’s – a narrow little coffee shop that, if I lay down on the floor perpendicularly, I could touch the entire place at the same time. (I never did this). They roasted the darkest coffee around. I bought their beans and made my coffee every day. Love was born…

I was out late last night – which for me, is rare… bordering on never. In addition, I was up in the middle of the night settling my little teething sir back to sleep. (As an aside, teething is the antithesis of happy).

At any rate, waking up this morning I had that all-too-familiar cotton head feeling that I know to be utter exhaustion. But I knew what was waiting for me in the kitchen – my sweet coffee. Does it make me happy? You bet it does.

100 Days of Happy... Day 1

Happiness is an interesting topic to me. I think so many of us are looking to “be happy.” We try to acquire it. We try to attain it. We try to keep it and make it stretch on indefinitely. If we don’t succeed we feel like we’re failing at life in some way. To me, happiness is not something to acquire, attain, or keep. It is something you hold delicately in the palm of your hand, on the roof of your mouth, in the deepest part of your bones, for seconds, minutes, perhaps days… But it is a delicate balance of holding and releasing it. Just as it comes, it will pass. And so, for me it is about cherishing those beautiful moments to their fullest when they come. I have found they are everywhere, if you look. And, if you don’t care that you are wearing your old pajama pants and it’s rainy outside and your kids have the flu when they happen. They can *still happen* everyday. It takes effort of appreciate them. But I think it’s great to try and find those moments, see them – appreciate them.

See, I’m long-winded as shit. It’s a good thing I’m writing this on my blog.

Here’s my Day 1:

One of my most terrifying moments as a parent to date came just 3 days in. I was recovering from Peyton’s long birth, and had the stomach flu to boot. Needless to say, I was exhausted. I wanted nothing more than to sleep – for days, really. But Peyton needed me. She was hungry. She wanted me to hold her close and take care of her. I realized with the enormity of a truckload of bricks on my chest what this all meant. I would never again be able to lie in bed because *I* was sick. I would never again be able to call in to work and say, “You know, I’m just not feeling so hot today. I better just stay home (and watch The Love Boat all day)” Those days were over. I know – DUH. That’s what parenting is all about. But for the first time I really FELT what that meant. It scared me to my core. I was terrified. But I picked her up and gazed at her and realized that though the road ahead would be filled with challenges, it would be filled with amazing joyful moments too. Like the way she looked at me just then -- filled with love and trust. It is those moments I love as a parent. It is those moments that steal the show in the happiness department on a day to day basis. Today it was THIS little moment. Brooklyn in a pair of my high heels, which much to her chagrin, I NEVER wear… She is “teaching” her baby brother, in his bouncy swing, how to file his nails. As you can see, he is a very captive audience. These little moments are the thread of my life. They are the heart, soul and bottom line of who I am. They make me Happy.