Happiness is an interesting topic to me. I think so many of
us are looking to “be happy.” We try to acquire it. We try to attain it. We try
to keep it and make it stretch on indefinitely. If we don’t succeed we feel
like we’re failing at life in some way. To me, happiness is not something to
acquire, attain, or keep. It is something you hold delicately in the palm of
your hand, on the roof of your mouth, in the deepest part of your bones, for
seconds, minutes, perhaps days… But it is a delicate balance of holding and
releasing it. Just as it comes, it will pass. And so, for me it is about
cherishing those beautiful moments to their fullest when they come. I have
found they are everywhere, if you look. And, if you don’t care that you are
wearing your old pajama pants and it’s rainy outside and your kids have the flu
when they happen. They can *still happen* everyday. It takes effort of
appreciate them. But I think it’s great to try and find those moments, see them
– appreciate them.
See, I’m long-winded as shit. It’s a good thing I’m writing
this on my blog.
Here’s my Day 1:
One of my most terrifying moments as a parent to date came
just 3 days in. I was recovering from Peyton’s long birth, and had the stomach
flu to boot. Needless to say, I was exhausted. I wanted nothing more than to
sleep – for days, really. But Peyton needed me. She was hungry. She wanted me
to hold her close and take care of her. I realized with the enormity of a
truckload of bricks on my chest what this all meant. I would never again be
able to lie in bed because *I* was sick. I would never again be able to call in
to work and say, “You know, I’m just not feeling so hot today. I better just
stay home (and watch The Love Boat all day)” Those days were over. I know –
DUH. That’s what parenting is all about. But for the first time I really FELT
what that meant. It scared me to my core. I was terrified. But I picked her up
and gazed at her and realized that though the road ahead would be filled with
challenges, it would be filled with amazing joyful moments too. Like the way
she looked at me just then -- filled with love and trust. It is those moments I
love as a parent. It is those moments that steal the show in the happiness department
on a day to day basis. Today it was THIS little moment. Brooklyn in a pair of
my high heels, which much to her chagrin, I NEVER wear… She is “teaching” her
baby brother, in his bouncy swing, how to file his nails. As you can see, he is a
very captive audience. These little moments are the thread of my
life. They are the heart, soul and bottom line of who I am. They make me Happy.
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